COMMENT: A perfectly modest proposal designed to solve the region’s hospital, airport, and college woes
By Adrian Barnes
If I was King of the Kootenays, life would be a lot simpler. Never mind the fact that there would be an Emcon truck assigned to drive 50 feet ahead of me all winter long while spraying out a royal carpet of sand and grit--I’d also solve the region’s bickering over any number of divisive issues with a snap of my fingers. Want to see how easy it is? I'll show you...
The regional hospital. Give it to Castlegar. They’re right in the middle, after all--so what’s the problem? Pragmatically, a Castlegar-based regional hospital leaves ambulances with the shortest average drives. Of course, that arrangement would give Castlegar the hospital, airport, and most of the college. And since a king must treat his subjects fairly, some adjustments would be required.
The airport. Move it on down to Trail, for goodness sakes! We all know the location is much, much better in terms of visibility, so that’s a no-brainer-and it will be fair compensation to Trail for the loss of the regional hospital. But what about Nelson, the largest city in our fair region? They still have nothing. Hmmm....
The college. Given our declining demographics, Selkirk College needs to attract more students from outside the region. Since grooviness is at a premium when young people are choosing an institute of--ahem--higher learning, let’s just pack the college up and move it to Nelson. Then the shops and restaurants of Baker Street will overflow with hundreds of fresh young faces.
But what about Rossland? This seems to leave poor Rossland out in the cold (fair enough for a ski town, you might say...but still). Well, that’s easily solved. The once and future Mountain Kingdom will, it goes without saying, be the seat of my imperial throne...the aerie from which I and my retinue will survey the region as my grand designs majestically unfold.
There. That wasn’t so hard now, was it? Honestly, I don’t know why people find these problems so difficult to resolve...